7 Ways to Build Up Your Husband



Proverbs 14v1 – “ A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hand the foolish one tears hers down.”

We know that in order to build a solid house, we need to build up the head of that house, our husbands. As I’ve put these practices into my daily life, they have transformed the way my husband and I relate to each other. I pray they would help and encourage you also.

First, let me preface by saying this. The Bible does not say “if your husband is a Godly man, build your house”. No! I believe regardless of our husband’s relationship with the Lord we are to make just as much of an effort to build him up. Trust me ladies, if we follow this one simple principle, we will not only be rewarded by God for being obedient to Him, but our marriage relationships will be completely different.

  1. PRAY FOR HIM – Every day! Throughout the day! Pray for him in from of your children. Pray for him with your children! Let him know you are lifting him up daily. I promise you this will be the most valuable thing you do. Praying for him will help you settle irritations you have over something he may have done or said. It’s hard to pray for someone when you are upset with them!
  2. Be your husband’s biggest fan – Yes, that’s right, cheer him on, and encourage him daily. Let him know you are thankful that he works to support you and your family. As moms, don’t we often complain that we don’t get enough recognition? We rightly love the pats on the back from those around us; we love the feeling that someone sees our hard work and appreciates it? Well, what makes us think that our husbands are any different? When he walks through the door at night, don’t start by whining about your day! Yes, share with him about your bad day at the right time, just don’t smack him with it as soon as you lay eyes on him. Be thankful, and tell him you’re thankful.
  3. Be willing to put yourself in second place – As mothers we have very little problem putting our children’s needs before our own. However, when it comes to our husbands needs we have a harder time. Why is that? Do we feel that after giving ourselves fully to the daily grind we deserve to be put first? That they somehow ‘owe’ us for our sacrifice? This is an important one because I have seen these feelings turn into resentment and bitterness in many women, something Satan will use to divide a marriage. Be careful where you let your mind and heart go. My testimony is this, as you put your husband’s needs first, he in turn will start to appreciate and acknowledge what you give and sacrifice on a daily basis for your family. As you honor him, he will honor you! Trust me, I’ve done it.
  4. Honor & respect him – Most importantly before your children and before others. There is nothing that destroys a man’s confidence more than when he hears the woman he loves tearing him down or disrespecting him before others. We are all guilty of talking to our friends about the quirky things in our husband’s personality, or the ‘stupid’ things he does sometimes. In our minds it is funny or cute, but in his mind it is disrespectful and hurtful. There are times when we have to vent or talk about what’s going on, we’re human, and there’s nothing better than girlfriends and coffee for that! Even so, we have to also be very careful about what comes out of our mouths, and the advice we listen to regarding our husband’s weaknesses.
  5. When he fails don’t rub salt in the wound – Never say “I told you so!” Love him and trust that God will have His way.
  6. Make time for him – How many times have we told our husbands in both word and action that we are just too tired to spend any time with him? I would guess way too many! In our busy lives we have to schedule time alone. Sounds very unromantic, right? Well it is, but better that than nothing at all! Planning to spend one on one alone time together, not only gives you BOTH something to look forward too but will allow you to build the relationship you have.
  7. Take the time to look like you DIDN’T just roll out of bed! – Lord, help me with this! My sweats are so comfortable. I’m not saying high heels and a cocktail dress (although I’m sure he would love that!) But really ladies, think of it this way. If you know someone is stopping by for a visit, you at least comb your hair, maybe put a little makeup on and pick up the house a little, right? If you do that for a friend why wouldn’t you do it for the most important person in your life? Make a little effort, YOU will feel better.

The last thing we are to do as wives is to NEVER GIVE UP! Nobody has the perfect marriage. Some have Godly husbands, some have husbands who are testing the waters of Christianity, some have husbands that are totally opposed to our faith. We all have issues that we need God to touch and change. My encouragement to you is to be courageous, keep praying, and stand for what you know is right. Your husband ultimately belongs to God; a God who hears and knows everything. Contrary to your own opinion, God does NOT need your help when it comes to working on our husbands! You do YOUR part and let HIM do His.

Builder or Fool?


Proverbs is such an amazing book! So much wisdom, so much instruction. It really should be named Quick Little Nuggets of Truth! I am consistently blessed by this book. As a wife I am constantly looking for ways to be better in my role. Proverbs has so much instruction on the subject.

I think we all struggle at times, to be the wife we know we should be. As we strive to grow and blossom in our marriage, there are some important principles laid out in Proverbs. I love that God has instruction for us, all we have to do is follow.

Proverbs 14v1 – “A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hand the foolish one tears hers down.”

As wives we can find ourselves torn in so many directions. It’s hard! To be a Godly wife in today’s society takes courage, strength, wisdom, patience, self-control, loyalty, love, a foundation in Gods word, and most importantly, prayer.

There has never been a time when marriage is more challenged, and attacked than it is today. I feel like I am constantly having to defend what I know is right. As a woman, I am constantly being told that I am not to be ‘owned’ by my man, that I have the ‘right’ to do what I want, when I want to, and that no man should control that.

On the opposite end of the scale, there is the church. The body of Christ, who when speaking on marriage, normally addresses wives submitting to their husbands, and husbands loving their wives, end of story. The loving part usually goes down ok, but the submission part…well not so much!

I don’t want my place as a wife to be viewed just as a position of service and submission. Marriage is so much more. I want to know the fullness of a Godly marriage.

So, what does it take?

Proverbs 14v1 Tells us that we to be builders in our home, not just participants, observers or helpers, but active builders. A builder is not a position of submission. It’s a position of great responsibility and trust.

The Bible does clearly state in Ephesians 5v23 that the husband is the head of the wife (or family). We know that we can’t have two heads or leaders,  so in light of this, what exactly is our role as a wife?

After much pondering asking of the Lord, He once again gently guides me to the answer. The answer that sets me straight and gives me clarity. In order to build our house, we must build up our husbands, so that they can be successful as our covering, our provider, our head.

So, now question number two! How do we build our husbands? The answer? It’s simple.

  1. Respect
  2. Love and affection

Really? You say. THAT’S IT? Seems easy. Straightforward.

If it’s so simple then, why are there so many marriages falling apart?

Why do we find it so hard to give these two very simple gifts to our husbands?

Ask yourself, would a contractor sabotage a new home project by not giving it a solid foundation, strong walls, and well functioning mechanics? Only a fool would build that way. Why then, as home builders, do we so often sabotage our own home, by not giving them the care and consideration it needs to be strong and safe for our family?

Being a courageous wife takes so much more than ‘submission’! It requires us to cherish, respect, and love that which God has blessed and entrusted us with.

Most of our conflicts will come from either a lack of respect or love. Respect shows our husbands that we recognize them as gifts given to us by God himself. Showing respect encourages us to act in a manner that recognizes such. Love is the act of laying down ones life for another. If we are dead to ourselves, it is impossible for us to be offended, have our own agenda or demand our own rights.

Even when we don’t feel like it, or our flesh gets in the way, I pray God would help  us, ME, to build in such a way that my home is able to withstand anything the world throws at it.




Love Covers a Multitude of……

………..annoyances, irritations, faults and imperfections!


Good Morning Lord,

This morning I’m thankful for the man you chose to be my husband. I’m also thinking about all of the women you have put in my path over the years. Women I have had the honor of mentoring and encouraging both in their marriages and family lives. So many of these ladies have struggled and share with me that their husbands just won’t step up to help and ‘deal with the kids’.

I think about this often as I see worn out women trying to juggle it all on their own. You have given us as women such a great gift of being able to handle so many things at once, but so often we, I fail to give these things to You. I  realize that some fathers are absent and unwilling to be involved. However, so very often we, as women we think we do a better job, so we don’t allow them in. We criticize them when they do try. My actions so often lead to frustration and disconnection. You are faithful in gently reminding me of how I sometimes need to take a step back; not be critical; encourage and support my husband as he nurtures, disciplines and teaches our children in a right and Godly way. My husband; all husbands have been given the place of protector, provider, and spiritual leader over our homes and families. I pray that I would love, encourage and build him up to be who God has called him to be.

Lord, help me to pray for my husband without ulterior motives today. Help me to remember that your love is perfect even when I’m not. Amen.